Monday, August 10, 2009

stuff

omgomgomgomg

tmr's the first day of schhhh OMG NOOOOO

n i think it really sux that the hols r over so quickly. like seriously. but the past few wks have been damn fun. lol. all the fun stuff like trial camp and medicamp and all those awesome memories. along with rag...

medicine won best performance n most creative for rag! omg. n yes the dance was seriously some awesome shit. i still can't believe that they managed to do it cos i remember seeing the dance for the first time and having stuff going thru my mind like. shit this is going to die. lol but they did it. amazing seriously. omg

and yes i seriously believe in god now. cos i dont think the float cld have stayed together without some divine intervention. like seriously... it was falling appart on the way over to src. ok fine only the crane. and i was like fkfkffkfkfkfkfk i dont wanna touch this up tonight... amazingly only a bit of the other stuff fell off. so yeah. n yes the feeling of being part of all this was great. even tho i mostly errrr went down to entertain myself irritating ppl =) yes i'm a sadist go screw yourself in the face.

so yeah. had a great tiem n i really dunno why i'm even bothering to type this out since this blog suddenly seems such a waste of time for me. but yeah. time o get on with life and start studying and to start gymming/training for floorball/going to hell yesss

4:27 PM
>>>Lost n still lookinG<<<

Saturday, July 04, 2009

everything's fallen apart

actually i dont really know what to blog today. i'm tryin to hold everything together but i feel like the more i try the more i'm slipping off my fingertips

i argued with my parents again. i guess that there's no point tryin to hide it anymore. there's no way i'm going to b able to talk to them normally. not after what they did to me. not after all that shit. not with my heart and soul still in a million pieces.

its really a weird time to think abt all this. i mean c'mon it's the hols. but yeah things have a strange way of happening and i really guess that the hols r the only time when i'm 'free' to think about all this shit. so yeah.

i havent been really fair to many of my friends. but i guess that's the way i wanted stuff. when we were togehter, i was willing to give up everything i cld. but it was nvr enough. mb we just came from different backgrounds. mb we're just different ppl too different. i still think that we cld still b tgr. but u dont even wanna tlak to me. either way thanks for this lesson. i'm still weak. and i've only begun learning this lesson. i need to be stronger. i need to armour myself against everything adn anyone. cos the moment something slips through my defenses it's going to hurt me. so better to keep the world at bay than let someone come through. cos it's not worht the effort. i've been alone before. i'm always alone. mb that's just the way i'll die. alone as well but for the one in the deep regions of my heart.

i'm still praying for you btw. and for you as well. i hope you get well soon. i think that it's really unfair that you have to go thru this. i meant every word i said abt you being too nice to die early. i can't really justify why i'm praying to a god who let's this happen to you. but it's alright. you're going to pull thru this cos that's what i believe and i'll make sure you pull thru even if i have to pull you by the hair =) so yeah. be strong. i can't fight with you. but i can try to give you as much support as i can.

lols whatever. i'm emo tonight. nights

11:21 PM
>>>Lost n still lookinG<<<

Saturday, June 06, 2009

reflections

i realise i havent been happy all this while w/o you. i havent updated this blog that regularly since forever also. just no drive to blog i guess. i realise that i really dunno what i'm doing with my life. friends? i havent found much joy in them also. those whom i'm comfortable with and really enjoy being with know i guess hahaa cos they're probably the only ones i tell stuff to... the rest haha.

i still wonder what i did wrong... was i wrong to think that 2 ppl from worlds so different could be together and be happy just because we cld get along splendidly? like isnt it enough? isnt just the feeling and knowing that you really care for someone enough to bridge that gap put there by the artificial barriers our society employs to make sure that everyone has a place in the world? after all... if everyone's a king then wth r they kings of right?

so yeah i guess. everyone keeps telling me to forget you. to move on. and yes i know it's not fair to anyone least of all myself to keep hanging onto you. but we dont even talk now. it's all in my mind. but i still see the picture hanging on my door (figurative if you think this is literal you're an idiot =P). maybe i really should move on... everyone says that we were nvr the correct match... o wells too bad... i guess i really wanna move on too. but i just can't. my mind keeps resetting to that day everything ended.

sigh nvm. time to move on with life. almost 6mths + alr... 8 if you wanna b picky. maybe it's really time to see the truth and move on... i only know that i never want to go through the same thing again unless if it's with you. n that's the only thing i'll keep to. so yeah. no more clubbing girls or girls who think they like clubbing or girls who like dancing at clubs. even if it's once in a while NO. i'm not going to take it again. come to think of it... fk that all. i dont wanna know anyone who clubs anymore m'gawd. i can't take it anymore. i totally dont see the fking point of going clubbing. not when i can drink anything i want to at home... or at bars n lounges.

if you're there and you still read this i hope you see it. no matter what it seems... i'm still waiting for you. but i dont intend to wait forever. forever's too long for me to see. it's the now that matters and the now that calls to me. here's now and that's the way life is. dont make me keep looking into the future cos i'm sick of foresight. everything i did cldnt foresee where i am right now and i know that it nvr cld have. its time that i lived for the here and now.

8:00 PM
>>>Lost n still lookinG<<<

Wednesday, April 22, 2009

sian

i'm in medsoc lounge waiting for soccer to start. this is boring and stupid and i've studied the entire day alr and i feel like the world is coming to and end

maybe i sld just start eating proper food. on the other hand. HECK EATING let's all starve and die of nutrition deficiency, etc etc etc etc etc and let my leptin levels go so low that they dont exist anymore. and let my heart have not enough energy to pump so that it can't keep racing everytime i think abt you or see you.

yup time to die =) preferably b4 exams come so i can save the effort hoho

4:00 PM
>>>Lost n still lookinG<<<

Monday, April 13, 2009

zzz

i've been feeling really irritated and down lately. unfortunately its not at someone. its just at the world generally. the more i think abt it the more i think this world would be prettier in about 300billionbillionbillion atoms. scattered all over the place and just mostly GONE.

really sux. and i finally lost it with my parents. i mean its just so damn fking ironic. to listen to a pair of ppl who always taught me to try to treat everyone fairly telling me abt why someone isnt gd enough for me etc. i mean like wtf. ya ya this happened god knows how long ago wif my ex and yes i stil can't believe how self-centered egoistic they are. case in point i finally lost it and now i dont talk more than necessary with my parents. hell if i care abt them anymore. pls die and b crucified

what's the fking point lar. srsly. of all this shit. i take shit and shit and shit. and i always end up forgetting and keeping quiet abt how fked up i feel. why? cos one day i'll get the chance to backstab and laugh. like i'll even backstab when the time comes. i hate stupid ppl. not ppl who r stupid but ppl who r too damn idiotic to realise when their words and actions arent in line. which is kinda why i nvr say i'm going to treat ppl nicely. cos i'm not going to. so too bad. suck it up and fk off fktards.

aiya fk lar whatever dunno what's the point of all the shit

10:10 PM
>>>Lost n still lookinG<<<

Monday, February 23, 2009

zzz

i dowan to study but i have to.

i dowan to play comp games but there's nth else to do

i dowan to watch tv cos tv is boring

i dowan to think abt stuff but there's nth else to think abt

i dowan to bother abt this world but i'm not dead so i have to

i dowan to

ah fk lar. this is such a waste of my time.

hope choo dussne puang sei this friday. i need to get a new stick and grip etc

grawr

on a separate note, friday's stayover at arjun's hse rocked. even tho it totally ruined my saturday and sunday. and i feel so damn shag right now even tho its been so manny days alr

and at least it helps to take my mind of stuff. damn irritating when ur reading and thinking of other stuff at the same time. multitasking is such a fking curse

11:42 AM
>>>Lost n still lookinG<<<

Saturday, February 14, 2009

sucky day

wah lau

today really sucked. for a lot of reasons

i had only a tiny sandwich for my sustenance all the way from 7? 9? till like 7at night. so i was freaking hungry. but just somehow got thru it. not like i eat a lot usually anyway.

then

i played WOW! after i 'attempted' to study. and failed. ppl stole my items which were supposed to be mine. rawr. then my dad kept grumbling at me to go off so he cld go out. which was damn stupid.

then go out and everywhere crowded like shit. so i felt seriously damn pissed

and had to wait for damn long to get a table at even places like food court. which sucked. so we ended up eating carl's junior. which ALSO sucked. cos i kinda dont wanna eat too much there.

then! I BOUGHT CHOCS! omg! and i left them behind at carl's junior cos i was damn pissed so just forgot.

THEN! i freaking wanted to hit someone. but cldnt find anyone. grrr

i'm not practicing my shots at home every night. according to ppl who played floorball with me on friday, my slap shot can crack plastic. those thick plastic tube thingys which make up the frame of the boards we use as goalies at floorball. i still doubt i really broke it. but well. that's what matthew said. at least i think it was matthew. which is gd. nw everyone will stay away from my shots. less ppl in the way = more goals

ok time to go relax and meditate. happy fked up day

11:08 PM
>>>Lost n still lookinG<<<

Monday, August 10, 2009

Saturday, July 04, 2009

Saturday, June 06, 2009

Wednesday, April 22, 2009

Monday, April 13, 2009

Monday, February 23, 2009

Saturday, February 14, 2009

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