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Friday, July 25, 2008
rag n musings
this wk's been really bz. been down for rag almost everyday. and on days which i'm not stuck doing rag n begging (sometimes literally) ppl to come down, i'm like at home emoing. sianz.
so anyway i kinda sat down and thought abt what i've been tryin to hold on to. why try to hold on something that's gone forever. think its time to move on. no one cares. and i definitely know that u dont give a damn. maybe you dont mean it. maybe that's just the way u are. but i can't accept that. i can't accept that u say u'll treat me better but there's like totally nothing different. it's like. WHAT ARE U FIGHTING FOR? i dont know anymore. at first i thought maybe i was fighting to keep us together. but there's no such thing. if u break u break. if u stay together ur together. so yeah. i'm not gonna fight anymore.
its time to fill my life with more meaningful things. love is all well and good. but its time to get serious abt life again and to study. play hard, study harder. that's gonna be my motto for this yr. i'm gonna mug like a crazy dog, and i'm gonna play floorball till my ass drops off. i got it all worked out. wednesday floorball with the medicine ppl, friday floorball with the rj alumni (actually its the same grp. XD) so yeah. in between i'll hang out with my og and with friends who've been there with me through one of the toughest months of my life. thx for everything and all the care and concern guys! (n gals) haha. but yeah. i know i may not always say it, but i'm really grateful for everything. and yes even to zheng hong with his constant NYP NYP NYP. -.- cb
anyway hanging out with my og this wk made me come to the realisation that i dont need to fill the empty space with one person. i dont need a bloody girl who uses me. or rather who makes me feel used and pissed half the time. fill that space with friends who'll be with u all the way. have a heart big enough to make your life's journey worthwhile. i think that's what i wanna have. no point tryin so hard at something which will nvr work out, which was and is not the best option for u. i think its time for me to come back to myself. sorry to those (ok fine. u) who's gonna be left behind. i think u'll find solace in the fact that u'll still get to live your life anyway you want. not like i screwed up ur life. i think its actually better than b4 we got together. either way. enjoy ur life and live on.
i always told myself to never look back. think its time i started listening to myself. its time to move on. goodbye yesterday
12:42 am
>>>Lost n still lookinG<<<
Friday, July 18, 2008
sentosa! n stuff
alrite. like i promised here's the stuff. went to sentosa ytd. which explains why i'm so shagged. day was quite nice. i was on time for a change O.o haha. met at harborfront mrt station with the peeps. enghui n yiding came along too. then we were like yayaya n wait for the late comers -.- wth laaa... go slack also got ppl late. haiii. haha jkjk
anyway yeah. then went to sentosa. spent the morning playing captain's ball. n i got chosen to b the captain n i got dunked. actually not really dunked la... cos its like self dunking so yeah. ahahah. but anyway it was fun. yeah. getting wet was fun as well... then after the few games of captain's ball, everyone was like super tired n we went for lunch. XD end of morning. haha
afternoon... went back. lionel tried to get everyone interested in discussing cip next saturday. but well... hahahaha. I HATE MEETINGS!!! RAWR!!! if they r in real life that is. ahahaha. so yeah. then after that we played water captain's ball! ZOMG! haha. n paul was the captain of the team which lost, so he had to do a forfeit. it involved him like going n getting some random guy's contact, or getting that guy to tell him where he bought his sarong. the worst part was that when paul was asking, the guy stripped off the sarong!!! ZOMG!!!! gd thing he was actually wearing stuff underneath. ahahhaa
anyway yeah. after that slack slack slack. we all went n sent enghui off at tram station, then went back, played some uno then back into the water for some super short monkey game b4 we left for suntec city.
went to suntec city to watch dark knight. holy shit man. that show was seriously uber gd. i want to watch the whole show again. i think the storyline was damn gd n ur like on the edge of ur seat all the time. n two face and the joker were both played damn well. batman was well... batman. so yeah. he sld probably talk less n hit ppl more. but well. that's life. not everything works the way u want it to. anyway yeah. watched the show, then we went to carl's junior for dinner again. LOL. at like 10plus. after that took a train home so yeah. that's the end of the story. :)
ahahhaa ok some random musings. i'm super high right now and i dont even know why when i sld b damn shagged after having played floorball for like 2hrs plus. haha. tongs n matthew n shaf n hakeem came back to play with us. n i just discovered that dunno how many of the ppl i've been playing with for a yr or more are all in medicine yr 3 yr 4. -.- WTH
sigh. anyway yeah. its finally over. after talking to random ppl all arnd i finally realised that i guess we arent meant for one another. i can't stand ppl who change every few seconds. and until u can like stop disguising and being true to what u really feel, nth can come of what happened between us. i was like damn down n sad all this time, but now that i've finally thot it thru, i feel DAMN HYPER! wth. i'm so damn hyper i irritate myself. so yeah. guess that's the end of the road. gdbye n thanks for all the fish.
10:30 pm
>>>Lost n still lookinG<<<
Thursday, July 17, 2008
lol
oops. i feel hated again. too bad.
actually i wanted to type sth nice out here abt sentosa. but i decided not to cos my BRAIN IS TOTALLY FRIED. LIKE FKING FRIED. its like u dipped the whole shit thing in a boiling bowl of oil n now its sizzling and popping. its fking fried.
so yeah. i feel hated. n boohoo. i dont need to b popular or anything. that's life. and that how i'll live it. i'll b myself and that's the only promise i swear to keep forever.
time to die. bb
11:50 pm
>>>Lost n still lookinG<<<
Saturday, July 12, 2008
floorballllllll
wheee!!! FLOORBALL LAST NITE DAMN GD SIA! MUCH LOVE
damn freaking fun. only got like 3 to 4 full lines, so everyone was like MAXIMUM GAMEPLAY. zomg. then i play all over again. even tho most of the time i quietly slack at the back. haha. woots. yay at least i havent deproved that much even though i havent played for like 5 wks or so. hai. last wk quite wasted. how i know everyone else went back besides the j2s, j1s and teachers RAWR.
but i find it quite weird i guess. its like all the peeps i've been playing floorball with for the past 3 yrs, this yr are my batch mates O.o so funny. haha. then its like jian hong is in same course as me even tho he's 2 yrs older. quite weird la haha
anyway yeah. that's abt it i guess. going to b uber bz next wk. so guess i better start getting ready n sorting out my stuff. but yeah. i guess its really over. time to move on with life. i refuse to b affected by such stuff. its time to move on.
nice song nice song :)
Savage Garden - Hold Me
Hey
If we can't find a way out of these problems
Then maybe we don't need this
Standing face to face
Enemies at war we build defences
And secret hiding places
I might need you to hold me tonight
I might need you to say it's alright
I might need you to make the first stand
Because tonight I'm finding it
hard to be your man
Hey
More than angry words I hate this silence
It's getting so loud
Well I want to scream
But bitterness has silenced these emotions
It's getting hard to breathe
So tell me isn't happiness
Worth more than a gold diamond ring?
I'm willing to do anything
To calm the storm in my heart
I've never been the praying kind
[ Find more Lyrics at www.mp3lyrics.org/hAq ]
But lately I've been down upon my knees
Not looking for a miracle
Just a reason to believe
I might need you to hold me tonight
I might need you to say it's alright
I might need you to make the first stand
Because tonight I'm finding it
hard to be your man
Do you remember not long ago?
When we used to live for the nighttime
Cherish each moment
Now we don't live we exist
We just run through our lives
So alone
That's why you've got to hold me
Hey
If we can't find a way out of these problems
Then maybe we don't need this
Standing face to face
Enemies at war we build defences
And secret hiding places
I might need you to hold me tonight
I might need you to say it's alright
I might need you to make the first stand
Because tonight I'm finding it
hard to be your man
10:41 am
>>>Lost n still lookinG<<<
Thursday, July 10, 2008
Medicamp
woots so yeah camp's finally over. quite fun la. was quite emo thruout the entire camp but at least it helped me to forget abt stuff and try n move on. guess i'll nvr really move on but yeah that's life. hope for the next thing i guess.
anyway yeah. let's c. camp really started last saturday when got to meet the various pppl in the og. yeah. had quite a lotta ppl whom i dunno. the rj ppl i know as in got c face b4 but dunno as in dunno them personally. so yeah. then after some random games, instead of staying for food and movie, we went out to nydc for drinks and foodstuff. haaha so yeah. quite gd. :)
so yeah that's saturday. been feeling really down for the past few days so sorry if i can't really rmb what happened b4 mon this wk.
monday was quite fun. went to nus pgp there early in the morning to gather. saw the storyline thingy for the camp. quite funny n obv done b4 reuben. lol. i only when i went to camp then i realised that dunno how many of the ogls r ppl that i've either seen b4 or ppl whom i actually know from before. haha. anyway then got some weird amazing race where gotta like run across whole of singapore n look for clues that sorta stuff. but the og quite relax de. so we ended up spending most of our time slacking, walking slowly and enjoying ourselves rather than rushing for no rhyme or reason. haha. surprisingly we didnt come in last even tho we spent so much time slacking and we took so long to get to the finish point without even completing all the stations. hahahaa. so yeah. after that nth else. night hunt was cancelled so spent the night walking from the chalet out to changi village to go n get some stuff to drink. bought some pepsi, and barcadi coke to drink. haha. so yeah. quite enjoyable. went with marcus, ajun and some of the girls. n i realised that we were just behind HENDON camp! OMG>>> hahaha. so yeah. but dint c anyone i know thruout the 4 days so yeah. quite sad. so yeah. but cos i only know how to go to changi village by one way, we kinda ended up taking quite a lotta time to get there >< XD. after that at night spent a bit of time playing poker cos i cldnt slp. then finally went to slp. some ogl had a set of the poker chips. ugh. I WANT A SET OF THAT AS WELLL!!!! RAWR
so yeah. went back then slp. next day wake up n then station games. so spent the day enjoying myself having fun. i can't really rmb all the stations so i'll just talk abt those whihc i can actualy remember. first station was some weird game station where ur supposed to play catching. quite fun but i can't rmb much else. only one i really rmb was the super traumatising one. ur supposed to pass an egg thru the clothes of the guys. n the girls r supposed to use only one hand. lionel was the first in the line and he got 2 cracked eggs b4 everyone finally figured out how to do it correctly XD. damn sick la. but nvm. fun i guess. then tug of war, funny game where ur supposed to like play scissors paper stone with ur opponent while making ur way across a row of chairs, 3 legged soccer, forming of a chain and crawling along the beach, then using materials gathered while crawling to cook an egg, then also got some other games which i can't really rmb alridy. got damn dirty cos after i got wet accidentally in the sea, decided might as well get totally wet n went into the see whole body. then there was also random fun dunking victims into the sea so yeah. haha
after that rest of the afternoon was mostly slacking and preparing for the dinner item we were supposed to put up. cooking and dancing. lol. i went to help with buying food, which the guys asked for cos they wanted some chips to eat as well. somehow the chips werent really touched but that's all well n gd i guess. the dinner item not too bad, then after that went to changi village for supper cos everyone quite hungry. then went to the chalet and played poker till abt 2am lidat when we went for fright night. fright night was damn well done. i felt. cos its like quite realistic and the 'ghosts' were all well played. then its like quite gd setting as well. and the initial fright that they were trying to pull off, saying that there was a real ghost, also quite gd cos everyone believed to the point that a couple of them didnt go in anymore. haha. so yeah. damn nice la. but i dun wanna talk abt it. haha. just that it was quite gd. i didnt really get scared cos i kinda expected what they wld do, but the makeup and the settings nad everything were really well done. sry la. i go so many haunted house until kinda know what is where laaa. haha...
o wait. after go back, we didnt slp. haha. we were talking abt them planting a spy into the og. as in one of the ogls posing as an m1 in our og. then zheng hong found out abt it from someone else, and we were discussing. then alridy like everyone decided to go n diu that guy in our og. haha. like test to c whether its true anot. so the next day he got quite a lotta shit until he finally admitted. haha
then slp, ytd morning woke up, went for wargames. wargames quite fun, the first game that is. when got the ppl running arnd tossing waterbombs at the mummies. haha. then we all arrowed the plant in our og, alorn to go n b the mummy. he kinda guessed alridy from that morning cos we were doing funny stuff at him in the morning, then reuben was evesdropping while we were like talking the night b4 after fright night. then its like he cldnt do much also la. haha. so yeah. then its like quite fun. hahaha. run arnd toss water bombs. damn fun. budden also got some ppl dman rough. i got rugby tackled by one guy. felt myself flying thru the sky for a while when he tackled me. like seriously wth man. anyway after that then there was this weird massive chicken fight when u like form chains n grab other ppl's tails. then that's abt it alridy i guess. can't rmb anything else abt the thing. after that we grabbed alorn n dunked him into the sea, after which he finally admitted that he was the mole -.- LOL. then i think the girls were damn frightened that we were going to dunk them as well cos when we asked them to come over, they stayed damn far away. hahahaha. yeah. o we dunked reuben as well. n then he got back at me by getting me dunked as well when only my bottom half was wet -.- wth. then he was like mindgaming us that there was another mole. n gj. yan zheng asked me whether i was O.o wow LOL nvm random fact of the day. ahahaha
afternoon played soccer then finale le. quite fun la. finale was screwed up. we were supposed to auction using the points that we got from participating in the games. then we spent all our points on a bunch of erasers with national flags printed on them. WOW! lol. but nvm la. all in the name of fun i guess. ahahhaa.
then after that went back n slacked off. my dad helped me send down my xbox. so yeah. but we kinda didnt play in the end cos not enof ppl n one of my controllers was spoilt so yeah. haha. reuben kept making us do truth or dare. and i did truth lol. aiya nvm. then after that played poker till quite late, spent the rest of the time talking rubbish. or rather i spent most of the time listenin to ppl talking rubbish. haha. after that finished, then went to slp. slpt for only a couple of hours before packed up n went home. really enjoyed the camp. guess u dont have to b damn super enthu to enjoy a camp. just as long as u really bond n talk to the ppl arnd u, then it'll b gd enof., haha. so yeah. i had fun n now i'm going to go n slp NIGHTS
3:13 pm
>>>Lost n still lookinG<<<
Sunday, July 06, 2008
wow
woots. been so long since i last posted. hai. n so much has happened that i dun wanna talk abt. anyway nvm.
1 n a half mth. dont dream its over. time to get on wiht life n look fwd to the next big thing that's ahead of me. so yeah. time to get serious chia. time to start mashing those books. as soon as u actually get them yeah. but at least we're happy.
lalala
9:08 am
>>>Lost n still lookinG<<<
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Lyrics
Air Supply - All Out Of Love
I'm lying alone with my head on the phone
Thinking of you till it hurts
I know you hurt too but what else can we do
Tormented and torn apart
I wish I could carry your smile and my heart
For times when my life feels so low
It would make me believe what tomorrow could bring
When today doesn't really know, doesn't really know
I'm all out of love, I'm so lost without you
I know you were right believing for so long
I'm all out of love, what am I without you
I can't be too late to say that I was so wrong
I want you to come back and carry me home
Away from this long lonely nights
I'm reaching for you, are you feeling it too
Does the feeling seem oh so right
And what would you say if I called on you now
And said that I can't hold on
There's no easy way, it gets harder each day
Please love me or I'll be gone, I'll be gone
I'm all out of love, I'm so lost without you
I know you were right believing for so long
I'm all out of love, what am I without you
I can't be too late to say that I was so wrong
Oh, what are you thinking of?
What are you thinking of?
Oh, what are you thinking of?
What are you thinking of?
I'm all out of love, I'm so lost without you
I know you were right believing for so long
I'm all out of love, what am I without you
I can't be too late to say that I was so wrong
I'm all out of love, I'm so lost without you
I know you were right believing for so long
I'm all out of love, what am I without you
I can't be too late to say that I was so wrong
I'm all out of love, I'm so lost without you
I know you were right believing for so long
I'm all out of love, what am I without you
I can't be too late to say that I was so wrong